I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
