Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm getting married
To pizza
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
