In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
