I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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