my sisters under your porch take her home
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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