time to smoke my breakfast
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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