zippers are such a cool invention
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
