Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
