I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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