just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
