forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
