I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
