I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
