there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
