Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
