I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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