omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
