The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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