yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
