So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
