You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
