Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
