The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
