I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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