i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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