Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
