Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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