Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
