I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
