shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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