i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
