that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your penis caused this!
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