Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
