She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
