Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
