This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
