Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We got so high we made milksteak
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
