Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
