i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
