Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize