i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
