There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
