this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize