you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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