i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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