***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
