I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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