Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
