that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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