I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
