i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize