I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
