Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
