I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
