In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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