you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
