I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
