Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
