i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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