I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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