I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
