Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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