Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I puked a lego.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize