The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
