When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This toilet bowl is my home.
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