Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
