I love black thongs
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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