you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
