I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
